29-year-old husband stops cooking for his wife, only cooks for 35-year-old female coworker, doesn't understand why wife is upset: 'He said it's nice to find someone who appreciates his efforts and who puts satisfaction over vanity around her weight'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 7, 2026 10:00 AM EST

Cooking is a highly intimate act. 

Cooking for someone is an act of love. You know this if you've ever had a meal prepared by someone who loves you. It tastes better. It just does. It's an intimate thing… to make food for someone. It takes time and effort and care in a way that makes your synapses fire. That said, it's good to be generous with your cooking arts. It's nice to cook for people, so you shouldn't be sparing with that love. But are there certain people it's inappropriate to cook for? The wife in this story thought so and had good reason to back her feelings up. Since cooking is so intimate, you should be mindful of who you cook for and when, especially if it's a woman other than your wife. 

It's nice to do things for other people, but you should be careful that they don't misconstrue your attention. Maybe you're just being nice to someone because you want to be nice. But maybe they think you're giving them romantic attention. You have to be careful to get ahead of this if you feel it happen, no matter who you are, but especially if you're married. Even if you didn't mean to give someone the wrong idea, it's your responsibility to set those boundaries anyway. You're the one who's in the committed relationship, and it's on you to make sure your partner feels respected at all times. That's not what happened in this story. 

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  • A husband cooks something up and puts in on a plate
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When a wife wanted to start being more conscious of her diet, she decided to cut back on the food her husband was cooking for her. He wasn't eating it himself, out of health concerns, so she decided she would join him in his fitness journey. The problem was that he wanted to direct his efforts elsewhere. The way he saw it, he enjoyed cooking for others and wanted to spread the love. The way his wife saw it, he was directing his attention in the wrong place. Read on to get an idea of the full story and see what commenters had to say about it.

  • Am I in the wrong for asking my husband to stop cooking for just one specific female co-worker after I stopped eating his cooking?

    My (31f) husband (29m) loves to cook and bake for me. And when I say for me, I mean just for me. He doesn't eat the things he makes. He's very fitness centric when it comes to himself. A few months ago, because my current weight problem, I asked him to stop cooking and baking for me.
    via u/Hot_City_3750
  • The problem is he started giving his food to one specific female co-worker (35f). Not a group, just one person. I finally asked why he does it for this one co-worker. He said it's nice to find someone who appreciates his efforts and who puts satisfaction over vanity around her weight. An obvious passive aggressive gab at me.
    via u/Hot_City_3750
  • I asked him if he's going to cook and bake for co-workers, to give it to more people instead of just to this one woman. He said I can't complain after rejecting his food. I feel like I brought this on to myself and now seem like a jealous nagging wife. Am I being unreasonable? Am I the asshole?
    via u/Hot_City_3750

  • Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

    celticmusebooks He doesn't eat the things he makes. He's very fitness centric when it comes to himself. He said it's nice to find someone who appreciates his efforts and who puts satisfaction over vanity around her weight.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • Sounds kind of like a hypocrite to me. He is vain about his weight but criticizing you. He sounds like a major AH
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • Such-Examinatio... So he's a fitness nut, can care about how he looks, but you're vain cause you want to lose some weight? Your husband sounds....mmmm weird. And like an ass. NTA
    via u/Such-Examination1637
  • A man chops something in a kitchen
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • keeguschryst He openly told you that he's doing it to bother you on purpose Imao girl stand UP
    via u/keeguschryst
  • 1Rainbow Unicorn NTA. "He's very fitness centric when it comes to himself" but when it comes to your being concerned about your weight it's "vanity"??? Wtf??? He is passive-aggressive and spiteful. He is clearly only giving to this one woman to piss you off. It is
    via u/1RainbowUnicorn
  • unacceptable behavior. Get in marriage counseling. You are not unreasonable... he is doing this ON PURPOSE. You can't have a healthy marriage with him acting like a big baby!
    via u/1RainbowUnicorn
  • swishcandot Oh I'm sorry, he can put his vanity above satisfaction but not you? Your husband is a giant AH trying to needle and punish you. And or he could like you at a bigger weight than you do. IDK. NTA
    via u/swishcandot
  • Naive Tie8365 Am I the only one thinking a 29 year old husband only cooking for one specific 35 year old female co worker suspicious?
    via u/Naive_Tie8365
  • Emarsh1993 Why can't he cook healthy alternatives for you that he used to cook? Sounds questionable to me
    via u/Emarsh1993
  • cgrobin1 Hey doesn't eat his own food so how we can he complain? Why can't he simply cook healthier food? If he isn't cheating, he is at a minimum leading on the woman an work. He's the AH
    via u/cgrobin1
  • wishingforarainy... NTA but your husband is. He's likely having an emotional affair. He's also trying to manipulate you and make you feel less than. What a gross way to treat your partner.
    via u/wishingforarainyday
  • KeepAnEyeOnYo... So he routinely cooked two different things - a healthy thing for himself and a less healthy thing for you? Instead of asking him to stop cooking, why didn't you ask him to just give you whatever he was eating? Honestly, very little of this makes sense to me.
    via u/KeepAnEyeOnYourB12
  • Legolaslegs The double standard of being a fitness nut but you being in the wrong for wanting to work on your weight is weird af. And it seems like he is punishing you to correct your behavior for rejecting his food for now. On top of that, the fact he doesn't even eat his own food is wild. It makes me think he's putting something into the food.
    via u/Legolaslegs
  • This isn't about the coworker really. It's about why he's feeding you food he won't eat at all, and why he calls you vain for wanting to work on your weight but it's not vain for him. On top of him dismissing the conversation be deflecting to feeding the coworker. I'm
    via u/Legolaslegs
  • assuming here he knows you have insecurities and targeting them. If they are friends abd he already was sharing food, it would be whatever. The timing is definitely aligning with punishing you. It makes me wonder what his coworkers will think.
    via u/Legolaslegs
  • This is weird and uncomfortable behavior that absolutely warrants mistrust. There are way too many suspicious signs.
    via u/Legolaslegs
  • _Internet_Hugs_ When my husband wanted to diet I researched new recipes that tasted amazing. and fit within his restrictions. I didn't find somebody new to cook for. Your husband is trying to punish or manipulate you and that's gross. NTA.
    via u/_Internet_Hugs_
  • Anthea Brainhooke IMO it's fishy af that he's taking food to work for one specific person and not sharing with the group.
    via u/AntheaBrainhooke
  • MisterFrancesco He doesn't even appreciate his food because he doesn't eat it to stay in shape. Your husband is an idiot.
    via u/MisterFrancesco

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relationship advice healthy marriage relationship marriage cooking relationship status husband eating healthy relationship
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